A Tribute to... Dustin Collins (Detox, Delectronic)

It's time to pay a much needed tribute to the one and only Dustin Collins. Everybody who knows of this 45 year old man look-alike will undoubtedly associate him with tank tops that show off his scrawny arms, A white Ford F-150 pick-up truck that only 45 year old creepy men drive, a distinctive 45 year old man peadophile voice, and lately his bid to receive the black belt before Andrew Wheeler, which he will most definitely succeed at (I got Andy Wheeler in a head lock with my legs which makes me better at karate than him.)
I have been lucky enough to share many moments with Dustin in his truck as he recites every word of every song in the Limp Bizkit discography, but even though there are 100 stories each friend could tell about Dustin, I shall share my side to the story of how he got his nickname "Detox."

After drinking a large amount at David and Zach's old house, Dustin and I decided to find a party else where. We somehow arrived at a random party in an unkown area where Dustin consumed more and more alcohol. He then proceeded to introduce himself to every single girl he came across in a hilariously drunk fashion. After realising the party wasn't up to scratch for Dustin's newly found confidence we decided to leave, except something had to be stolen. Dustin quickly grabbed for a very large bottle of vodka and dashed from the house, running out of sight before I could even open the front door. After relieving my bladder in the garden and taking a new copy of Ski Magazine from their post box I decided to call Dustin. We arranged for him to meet me at the top of the road.

As I walked closer to the main road that we arranged to meet at I noticed flashing lights and I small, skinny figure looking extremely bummed on life. Dustin had been caught by the police holding a large open bottle of vodka on the main road. When confronted he simply put the bottle on the floor and gave himself up. I thought it would be a clever idea to walk straight into the conversation and admit to having some sort of association with him, which then got me into trouble. After admitting to being drunk and underage, having a chat with a copper about his bar work in Chelsea and playing the Englishman card I was released. My attempts to save my dear friend Dustin were to no avail as the police officers reassured me that he was far too drunk to be in public and must be sent to Detox.

Dustin remained in detox until 7:00pm the next evening where he probably played jenga with drug addicts and cried in the corner.

Slim pickings for pictures:











In other news I'm taking bets on my brother Joedan Stanley. I'm offering 10/9 that he'll still be in Colorado in August, and Evens that he'll join a new Aurora, CO based moped gang consisting of at least one gay. Who's in?