666 ways to masturbate

Been a while overdue but here you go, more ways to refresh your solo love life. Kudos to Joe & Kristie Stanley for some of these.



36. Masturbate on a bald guy’s head then stick a toupee on it.

37. Jack off on a guy called Jack.

38. Aim and shoot your load at an army figurine knocking him over followed by exclaiming “Target Down” in a Scottish accent.

39. Use a cheese-grater to stroke yourself.

40. Wrap your dick in a blunt rolling paper and give it to a Rasta for him to smoke your pole.

41. Masturbate at bingo.

42. Suck your own dick.

43. Have a guy push your head down and force you to suck your own dick.

44. Let your parents watch.

45. Masturbate 45 times in one day if it's possible.

46. Cum out of a window.

47. Do it in your cousin's bedroom.

48. Do it whilst someone sleeps above you on a bunk-bed.

49. Masturbate into a vacuum cleaner. No mess.

50. Masturbate into a jar and store it in your car.

51. Use your fluid from a previous session to lube yourself up for your next session. Of course there lies the problem of it drying so a method to keep it as a liquid would be to refrigerate it beforehand.

52. Through someone's letterbox.

53. Masturbate into an iron then steam the product into your work trousers.

54. Sell the product.

55. Preserve a mosquito in your tree sap for archeologists in 2,000 years to find.

56. Masturbate at Disneyland. In front of the children.

57. Masturbate onto a car windscreen in winter then scrape it off.

58. Off a motorway overpass.

59. Masturbate into a Super-soaker and spray your mates.

60. Super-glue the rim of a fresh jar of jam horizontal to a Glory hole.

61. Do it to the tune of 'Goodbye Horses' by Q Lazzarus.

62. Masturbate into a library book.

63. Masturbate into a Twilight book.

64. Wipe the residue onto some coins and give it to a homeless person. Pissed up junkies deserve it.

65. To the thought of Lady Gaga's penis.

66. Tuna Love-Mayonnaise sandwich.

67. Grease up then fuck an exhaust.

68. With sandpaper.

69. 69 yourself....?

70. Get a badger to lick it.